“I can do this myself, you know.”
“I know, Hon. Here, you dry your face while I clean your glasses.” If I keep talking he forgets he’s upset.
This is one of the most heart wrenching things for me to do each day. I dart to the bedroom when I hear him stir. Usually I offer to bring a coffee and the paper so we can spend a couple minutes together before the dreaded daily routine.
Once he is dressed, I go to the main bath to wait for him to come down the hall. Timing is everything – I have the water running before hand so it’s warm and the soap in the facecloth. Now he kind of slows at the doorway because he knows I’ll be waiting.
How I approach it is by saying if he washes his eye brows and face well, then his eyeglasses will not get marked as quickly during the day. It is a passable explanation but he feels badly.
Don’t have the heart to tell him he does not wash his face if I don’t offer the face cloth. I’ve given up on his tooth brushing upon waking – I wait til he eats and then we both go and brush.
If anyone has any suggestions to make this easier, I’d be grateful and not offended.
4 Comments
We went to see my husband’s family this weekend. I so appreciated your advice to bring a small gift. We picked up a favorite magazine and a children’s book. We have a 5 month old little girl and my mother-in-law adores her. She read her new little book to her twice…what a special time.
I also appreciated your advice about not asking about what she had for lunch or such. I shared that with my husband. He has struggled much with accepting his mother’s diagnosis. He and his family want so badly for it to be different. Your advice served as a gentle reminder to love and enjoy her where she’s at in life right now.
Thanks, Jean!
Well, I guess you made my day!People with Alzheimer’s can remember their past but the immediate is lost immediately! We sit here reminiscing about years ago and most times it’s crystal clear.
As you travel the journey, please share with us if you “discover” something that helps.
BTW, it can take a couple years to quit wishing “it were different”.
I’m speaking as if my Dad has Alzheimers – he probably does.
When my Mom was hospitalized in the Spring of 06, I spent a few days at a time caring for my Dad. The nurses and my brother would move him from bed to chair, etc. I fed him and made him comfortable.
On one of those days, I was on the phone with his insurance company and the representative needed his SSN. Dad overheard me when I said, “I don’t know it. Maybe he has his social security card in his wallet. I’ll get the number.” Before I finished the sentence, Dad recited his social security loudly. And recited it one more time to the rep on the phone.
He remembers the address of his childhood home and a few phone numbers from the past.
But don’t ask him if he had breakfast. The answer is always, “No.”
I hope I’m not boring you. Sometimes I ramble.
As far as the routine, you know it but he might not realize it’s a rountine. I think you should stick to it.
With thanks, as always, Mary- you never ramble- it’s so good to read others’ stories. I appreciate your input.