Archive for October 17th, 2007

Chatting with my sister tonight and she mentioned she ordered a booklet written by a person diagnosed. We talked and talked – it finally came around to my writing a booklet (eventually) about our travel and journey. She thinks I should. I’m not so sure.

I thought this blog perhaps replaced the notion of printed copy – it’s not as if thousands are flocking to read:)

Tonight is difficult for a thousand reasons and I’m in tears as I type. We were watching TV – a program he likes – when he just stretched out as a corpse and lay there. I touched his hand and he told me he loved me and to have a good sleep. The pose freaks me out – he looks dead. I watched his chest to make sure it would rise and fall. I looked at his head and wondered what is being processed – although the nightmares have eased.

Is he dreaming about tackling the mountain skiing or perhaps water skiing or racing his Vette? Is he building a pool or a deck, swimming in the ocean he loved, pounding nails or using his drill, perhaps running with his dog, Kelly? Or is his mind as still as his body? I hope so because the nightmares are not kind.

We shopped today and he used a gift card I gave him long ago. When we got home, I brought his bags of books – he didn’t remember from 30 minutes ago. Should I put a towel over my mouth and scream and cry – can’t – the workers are here. “Hi, how are you guys doing?”
“Fine, fine.”
“How’s your day going?”
“Fine, fine.”

I tell lies a thousand times a day – I want to cry out and say I’m hurting so badly and wish it would go away, I wish we had the old times back, I wish – - -

But tomorrow is another day, the sun will shine, the workers will come, I’ll offer coffee and smiles and wipe the tears on my sleeve.

BTW, they accepted Coke only, as their lunch. Bad, bad, bad. And I told them and they laughed and I laughed. To each other, “Silly old woman:)”

So it’s been a bit difficult for W having all the noise, etc. The fellows have the laminate laid in the halls, family kitchen and entries.

It’s difficult choosing a color but the rich dark walnut is so perfect. I couldn’t/wouldn’t change it. Our kitchen has lots of blond oak (not my choice) and this tones it down. The burgundy/cream/ jade colors in the living room are a good combo, too.

As soon as the sideboard is back in place, I’ll be able to get all the crystal/dishes out of the guest room and they’ll work there. We are using the same in the master bedroom. After I saw how beautiful it was I couldn’t want carpet.

Tomorrow I go to choose carpet for the living room/stairs. Then we’re done.

With a whole lot of luck, we will be in this house a couple years to enjoy the updates. If not, a good selling point.

Hope everyone has had a good day – got my veins inj. this afternoon so busy, busy. Happy, happy:)