Archive for October, 2007

We love shopping – even grocery shopping. Anyway, we kind of make a thing of it and check out books and magazines, etc. After loading the cart up, I headed to the exit doors. He was quite stern and said, “Where are you going?”
“What do you mean, where am I going – to the car.”

“We haven’t paid.”

Phew! No more chit chatty grocery shopping for me. But I guess it was relaxing – I wonder if our local RCMP would have believed me!! No.

Being I have never known (personally) a person with Alzheimer’s, this is an eye opener.

I thank each of you who comment -

If you should come for dinner (I hope:), he probably could fake his way through the night. As long as there is nothing “to do”, he can basically make it. May get a bit quiet or he could be the life of the dinner, telling stories past and generally being very humorous. We love it when he clutches his tummy laughing so hard at something.

The problem comes in when a “to do” or “go get” comes up. It’s pretty wild to look at a vibrant, otherwise healthy 66 year old man, who can’t find our bedroom without prompt. Dr. C explained it and I forget (!) but if you tell him to make the bed, he can’t. If he does it from past experience, he does a fair job.

Found a sheaf of computer printouts from notes he made to staff. Years ago, he researched, then set up his company on computer. I read thru them and kept them “just because”. Now he doesn’t touch his computer but I bought him a new c. desk when I bought mine in 2003.
So new desk and computer sit silently by mine – maybe I was waiting for a miracle. Maybe that’s why I bought a laptop this year – it is kind of difficult to see his sitting there. I rarely go to the room now.

Most people we interact with do not believe the extent of the problem. It’s kind of like, “Well, sometimes I do —–too.” Dr. C said you certainly don’t need to convince.

Most people comment, “He seems OK to me.” I find that so offensive. If a person had cancer, early stage diagnosis, would they doubt and say he/she looks OK? Hopefully not.

I’ve decided to get tough in my response to their’s. When I hear that, I will invite them to spend a day with us. Actually, only one of W’s siblings supports or acknowledges a disease. It’s so serious a denial or whatever, that I won’t let the others take him out shopping. Last time out, he was left to sit on a chair at the mall while they phoned me. I asked to say hi to him and she said, “Oh, he’s too far away to call.” So I had her find him and call me back – he could just as easily been gone – in the winter.

Sadly his mother says, “It’s old age.” Personally, I didn’t feel 58 was old age but perhaps she know better than Dr. C.

This post may seem as if I am angry – I’m not. I just have never put in writing or told people many of these points.

Must thank you for reading and understanding. It’s been great meeting new friends and the support is real.

We always go into the MD’s op together – he extends his hand to W – “How ya doing today, W?”

“Never been better.” That’s his standard response.

A couple more niceties, then, “Where are you now?”
“Here.” (very coy)

“But where, what’s my name?” I sat in silence – aching for him, clutching my magazine.

“What season is it?” A bit defensively, he comes up with “I don’t pay attention to them anymore since I retired.”

“How old are you?” W looks toward me – if feel his imploring glance. Finally, I look at Dr. D. and he nods his OK. “You’re 66, Hon.”

“I am? Holy cow.” With that, all three of us laughed.
After a few moments, Dr. D. said, “Let’s check your BP.”

“Ok.”

Funny how you want to prompt someone when they are “stuck”. I felt so sorry for him but I don’t think it really bothered him as much as it bothered me.

So his sport socks take forever to dry. After the dryer stops, I pull them out and hang them overnight on a rod or whatever.

The other day, I handed them to him and said to just put them on the towel rod. (We were standing basically by the door of the ensuite.)

He took them from me and said, “Here (dresser)?”No, the towel rod, Hon.” Here? (shower door) Here?” Finally holding a sock in each hand, bent over and motioned toward the baseboard in the ensuite. It was like “dabbing” the socks at each spot.

Oh, my God, Oh my God! It was so absolutely unbelievable. Why can’t I get used to it? Why do I ask/tell him to do something? Why, why, why???

No wonder no one believes his situation – I still forget and ask him to “do” and he cannot.

If I listen to one more person spout off about anything of which they are totally ignorant, I think I’ll totally lose it.

Today a fellow dropped in to get tools he had left here – W is still sleeping. He “suggested” maybe it would be better to get him up. Ok, I agree, for me, it would be better but I’m not so sure for W. ( I am always open to suggestions, just not ignorant facts spouted out til I could tape his mouth) Maybe he sleeps to sleep away the hurt of his loss or maybe he sleeps because his brain doesn’t “tell” him to wake up or maybe it’s easier to sleep than think. The specialist said, “Let him sleep or get him up after 12 hours sleep.” I check with him about the 12 hours mark and if he says he’d rather sleep a bit more – I let him sleep. I would rather he is up – it is lonely.

Anyway, this guy said W’s brain is Ok – he just can’t bring forth all the facts, ideas, etc.
He goes on to recount how he forgot his PIN number – blah, blah, blah. all the while tapping his temples with his 4 fingers. “But after 2 days, I remembered.” He’s too tall or I would have jumped up and grabbed his throat.

Have you ever forgotten to wash or brush or shave – daily?
Have you ever forgotten what piece of cutlery to use?
Have you ever forgotten where your bathroom or bedroom is?
Have you ever forgotten where the mugs or glasses are?

I sat in silence wondering how to respond – I didn’t respond verbally but he said he’d better go – maybe the fire blazing from my eyes reached his brain and sent a message, “Imminent danger, run, run as fast as you can.”