I shoveled snow alone this morn and tonight about 7:30pm, suggested we go out and clear the drive again. There was only about 3″ but it’s snowing heavily and by morning will be a big job.
Convinced him to get into his boots, etc. and we got half the drive done when he quit. I didn’t comment but when I started on the other half, he said, “You’re not going to shovel that, are you? It’s just going to keep coming down.”
“Yes, workers coming tomorrow and the paper man. It will be quite deep by morning.”
He grabbed his shovel again and shoveled like crazy but it was anger fueling his work. Got the job done but I have never witnessed anything like this in over 42 years. For a moment I was afraid and then got a tad angry inside myself. Bit my tongue as it would only inflame the situation.
It was a beautiful evening (til the outburst) and he should get some fresh air but maybe “everything” is too much. I have a young fellow who may be willing to do it although I enjoy most times I do it.
I am at a loss and appreciate the blog to get things off my chest.
8 Comments
Trouble is, he can’t look to the future very well any more. “Tomorrow morning …” doesn’t register with him; it’s too far away. It’s snowing NOW; he understands that. But the motivation to do something because of something else happening tomorrow is going. He only sees that you are pushing him to do something he knows no reason for.
The good thing is that you can see what’s happening (he can’t), and refuse to take it personally, refuse to let it spoil your enjoyment of his company.
And you may be right, maybe “everything” is getting just too much for him. The struggle to remember where you are, what you’re supposed to be doing, where things went, how things work, and on and on, has to be exhausting.
Get that young guy to help, at least on the days when the work needs to be done twice.
It IS good that you’re posting. Way back when, decades ago, I was raising a family of 5 kids alone. And working on my own, mostly, during the day. By evening I felt sometimes that I was going crazy, needing some adult, somewhere, anywhere, to talk to. (No blogs in those days.) I remember feeling so trapped! It was the worst part of those years.
I understand your frustration, as I have something similar with the stroke aftermath (mr. kenju). I can’t reason with him, and unlike you, I find it difficult to bite my tongue. You are correct about it only escalating the situation (and yet I keep on).
I am so glad you have the blog to allow you to vent.
Snow certainly brings out the disability in these aging husbands. Mine has lung disease which entirely precludes shoveling. I don’t mind doing it (honest exercise and wonderful to be outdoors), but…he then becomes a backseat shoveler, reminding me to do stairs, etc. I’m sure he’s frustrated by his forced inactivity, but it’s hard for me to be understanding.
I can’t understand what all of the emotions you must feel. That is not the W. you and (fortunately) we have come to know. I can’t imagine shoveling the drive and walks a couple of times a day myself, but then I’m in Texas. I am sorry. Hope today is better. It must be stressful with all the workers and life still hitting you square in the face. Hugs, annie
Oh Jean–I remember reading last summer when you mowed 4 yards (or some equivalent) and now this.
Shoveling can help release some of the pent up frustration–but it sounds like it leads to other pent up frustration.
I agree that getting the young man who can help to come by when needed.
You do need to keep taking care of yourself–you can’t always bite your tongue. And please keep blogging–you are such a help to many of us as we go forward into aging (with all its issues and surprises) with our spouses.
Oh, Jean… this breaks my heart. I hope you can get some help this year with the snow. Give yourself a break. You won’t be able to stay on top of it. The stress you must feel from all of the emotions must be exhausting enough for you to handle the snow, too! It’s too overwhelming! I am going to pray for someone to take care of the snow for you this year! You don’t need anything else on your plate! I wish I lived near you so we could help you out!
I’m glad we all have this blog to vent when we need to. Remember, everyone in blog land loves you, especially me!
Angie xoxo
Thanks, Everyone – we got thru it but I was sure in shock to see the display.
The comments here are so enlightening to me, so they must help you, Jean.
Like everyone else has commented, a young boy would be an asset. Anything to avoid more frustration!