Archive for June 21st, 2008

What’s normal for us now sure wasn’t normal for us 6 years ago. It’s funny how time slips away and conditions that were just so upsetting no longer upset – they become our new normal.

Several years ago, I’d cry til there were no more tears. Didn’t change anything but suppose it helped. Part of my extreme upset was I didn’t know where this journey would lead us or what it would be like. To be truthful, I didn’t know what Alzheimer’s was – a few incorrect preconceived ideas.

While we were awaiting “official” diagnosis, my sister and husband attended a seminar sponsored by a local extended care facility. She called me at work to say they’d been there and I remember so clearly asking, “Is it a condition or a disease?” She answered, “Disease.” To be honest, don’t think I responded but remember feeling like I had been kicked in the stomach. Was still working and the remainder of the day was difficult.

Fortunately, most days seem normal – that is, normal for us. I have to admit, I feel pangs of jealousy when couples write about pending holidays, etc. Actually, I’m very happy for them but a tad jealous at the same time – just being 100% honest. In the next breath, I implore people to get away and enjoy their days – never know what may lie ahead.

We used to get away often and do “mini” trips to the States. Am I glad we did that. Last night Brian asked me the last time we spent in the States – “September 2003″ – we were both kind of shocked – he knew it had been a while.

Something that helped me immensely was “coming out of the Alzheimer’s closet”. Once I could freely talk about it to family and friends, it helped me conquer an unknown.

Sad to say, some of our acquaintances are not knowledgeable – I see the questions in their eyes and see them dodging issues. Some are wonderful and ask me how best to deal with things but many dodge the issue completely. It’s been a steep learning curve – hope if anyone I know suffers a diagnosis of any disease, I will learn as much as possible about it for their and my sake.

I guess what brought all this to mind – I just helped him wash up – if someone told me a few short years ago that he would not be capable of taking care on his own, well, I’d have not believed it.

Blogging has helped and actually, I am surprised to read certain entries from several months ago – you forget the slippery, gradual decline. Thank you to all you folks who read our blog and offer support and suggestions.

I’m a bit concerned this week. Usually we sit together reading. This past week he rarely picks up a book and hasn’t read the paper all week. Several months ago, I began pulling the comic section out and setting it in the paper so he’d see it. He always thanked me and read them.

Now, he accepts the section from me, thanks me and sets it down by his chair.

He wants books and more books – we go to the church thrift shop and he buys several every visit – they add to his collection on the cocktail table, dressers, his den and bedroom bookcase – collections unread. I love watching him go over the book section, carefully choosing his treasures.
The other day, sitting in the living room, I watched as he picks a book up, reads the cover, chooses another, etc. this goes on all day, never reading, just checking them out.

Until last week, he would read about 3 pages, put a book mark in and choose another, repeating the process. This week, no reading, just looking.