Shock may begin to describe my reaction to a recent conversation with a friend.
F: “How long has Wayne had Alzheimer’s?”
Me: “Well, for sure there was a problem starting in 2000 – it’s gradual and well hidden by the person. I do know now, that is when I began to see changes. Of course, I didn’t know what was going on.”
F: “So, probably at least 8 years? I have a friend who’s husband with Alzheimer’s just died after 8 years. I was just wondering if you like having him at home or rather have him in a facility?”
Me: “He is well loved and at home and no where near being in a facility – and may never be.”
F: “No? I kind of think he’s still alive because you feed him all that fruit and vegetables.”
I made some kind of excuse to exit this chance meeting and conversation. People mean well but -
it is amazing what some people can come up with isn’t it?
I’ll never forget when my mom’s blood sugar dropped and an EMT kept assuring her that she was right that nothing was wrong with her mentally but ADHD and he had ADHD as well, and she should not let anyone tell her otherwise.
I was livid. I had a friend with me that was an RN and it was all we could do to keep from strangling the guy.
Thank you medical professional for just increasing my mom’s paranoia that we’re ‘out to get her’ and increasing her determination that there is nothing wrong with her. Thank you for giving her just yet one more medical professionals ‘diagnosis’ that she’s ‘ok’ mentally and doesn’t need any help.
As an EMT he didn’t know her, and had no reason to be telling her this, except he was trying to keep her calm. I wrote a letter to the EMT headquarters who wrote me back and said “We tell our patients what we need to to keep them calm.”
I let them know that that EMT not only lied to my mom, but in her mind gave her a set diagnosis, that she uses against us and has made getting her appropriate help just that much harder when her mental status isn’t ‘ok’.
He wrote me back and said “that isn’t our problem. Mental status at the time of the incident is what we are concerned with”
OH geesh!
Some people just don’t get it!
Ann Landers, or was it Dear Abby, used to suggest that a reply to such a remark would be “I’m wondering why you would say that.” How appalling.
Sorry for you Pk.
Doc, I never can think of these things when I need them.
I am always surprised by the hurtful things people say…
Oh, Jean, I’m sorry. Some “friend!” I like Dr. Judy’s “Dear Abby” line–”Why in the world would you ask me something like that?!” I also use, “Who raised you?!?!” But I’m kind of snarky.
My mother is an extremely emotional lady on the subject of AD and my father, and will instantly burst into torrents of tears if anyone asks more than a simple “How are you and Tom doing?” This is a mixed blessing–it embarrasses her to be perceived as so “sensitive,” but boy, does it shut people up!
You’re doing an amazing job at one of the hardest care-taking situations that exists. Don’t let the dummies get you down.
Love to you and Wayne,
Laura
Ouch, ouch and more ouch! Does that person have thick skin or what??? How totally insensitive and rude.
Glad you were able to make a graceful exit (before letting loose and smacking her!)
Unbelievable, the things that come out of peoples’ mouths sometimes…