Archive for July 22nd, 2008

* First, thank you to everyone who comments, gives ideas and suggestions, or a much needed hug.

* Please don’t feel badly for me. I get thru each day by faith and lots of love.

* I sometimes write a post and delete it for fear of being too open, be warned, I think it better to post them – but don’t be upset for me.

* Your hearts are tender and I hate writing something that upsets or draws a tear. For me, Alzheimer’s disease used to represent a condition wherein the person “can’t remember anything”. It is much more complex and horrible. It’s standing with a bar of Dov* soap in your hand, wondering if it’s your deodorant, it’s using your spoon to try to pierce a nugget of chicken, it’s not knowing the seasons, your address, phone number or birth date. It’s no longer being able to write and sign your name.

* When I first started this blog, it was to be in place of a book I intended to write. I have many note books documenting the journey which started probably in 1999 and manifested itself in 2000 – welcome to the new millennium:)

* Our path is becoming more complicated – I see changes weekly. Daily. These changes may not be evident to family and friends because he would never be in their presence when wondering if a bar of soap were his deodorant or this morn, coming down the hall with his toothpaste and toothbrush held out, asking, “Which is my toothbrush?” (I love that he is comfortable enough with me to ask.)

* He wouldn’t wander out to the living room with his jammies on backwards, looking forever like the tousled haired child of the 40′s or totally upset trying to get a T-shirt over his head.

* He wouldn’t forget to eat, shave or to comb his hair, change his clothes, fuss about bathing – his former self being spit ‘n polished.

* Strangers wouldn’t look at him with disdain when trying to give his order at a restaurant. You look too good, Hon. Maybe if you had something to label you, they may have a bit of empathy. Probably not, for this type person would not have empathy tucked in their soul.

* But what he hasn’t forgotten is how to laugh and be happy most of the time, like 98% of the time. He cares for people and animals. His humor actually keeps me going and when it ceases, well, probably I’ll cease, too.

* So, the story will carry on, not to make you sad but hopefully to give you a glimpse into the daily life of two people. Alzheimer’s disease represents both of us, our lives are so intertwined – how we deal with it – is whether we win or lose.