Archive for August, 2008

We see our family doctor Sept. 9th and our specialist in October. Will ask them about these long times in bed.

I am afraid he has given up – can he know to do that?

Yesterday, got him up around 3:30pm, he ate his meal, sat with me for a bit and back to bed til 8:30pm We retired at 11pm – he slept soundly right away.

It’s now 2:11pm and he has not been up -

In order to handle the distress (better than I am doing now), will pretend he’s at work all day. At least then I can pretend it’s normal that I’m alone. Once 5pm comes, I’ll deal with his sleeping.

As Ruth said in her comment, usually families deal with the reverse – which is so much more difficult.

Thank you for your words of support and suggestions. Drives me crazy as I’m a “want to know” type person. I like facts and figures, not abstracts. Even in school, let me memorize that which is fact – black and white. Forgot the world and the human body are not always presented in black and white.

Decided I should wake him around 3pm – he can easily sleep much longer. There’s the worry of bed sores, not enough nutrition in a 24 hours period and it’s lonely.

A vicious thunderstorm was passing over so thought he may have heard it. No, so I woke him and said I’d bring coffee to bed while we watched a downpour of rain. He wasn’t enthusiastic but agreed. Returning from the kitchen, I find him rolled on his side, covers pulled high.

“Don’t you want to get up, Hon?”

“No, there’s nothing to do for me. Why would I get up?”

I offered to take him for supper or go for a walk (forgot the storm and he laughed about a walk), we could go downstairs and exercise on the machines or do weights. Don’t you want to do anything?

He didn’t. I think he is just between stages and knows there’s not much to get up for – he reads 2 or 3 pages and goes to another book, then 2 or 3 and back to the first. It must be so sad if he does realize – I actually thought we had passed that stage.

It is now 6:55pm – we went to bed at 11pm last night.

Any suggestions?

Update: I just got him up now. 7:54pm

Yesterday, realized that I walk behind Wayne and just softly touch his back (just below his belt) to guide him in the correct direction. It’s inoffensive (I think) and hopefully not noticeable to others.

Even in our home as we go down the hall, he often needs help to get to the correct room.

We’ve always been “touchy, feely” so my putting a hand or a few fingers on his back doesn’t offend.

(Maybe this would work if your loved one needs prompting.)

Seems we have so many little traditions tucked away in our life over 43 years – everyone does.

Yesterday, I shopped Cost*o on home care day, so was alone. I walked to the check – in area but had no cart – he always gets the cart.

Then I walked by the books and almost turned to tell him to browse thru them while I grab loaves of bread.

Got to the checkout and inadvertently handed her his card – have to shred his – it kind of hit me.

As I wheeled my full cart away, I looked longingly at the deli/food counter – and kept on walking – our berry fruit yogurt sundae held no appeal alone. We always have a sundae after shopping, always.

But, in all the sadness, a big ray of sunshine in the person of one of my favorite patients. She bumped into me – literally – at the meat counter – I love her. We are both busy, well, I’m not busy, just can’t get away – once we discussed schedules, it worked out the first week we had free was just after Thanksgiving – can you believe that? Well, she is going to Mexico for 3 weeks!

So a negative and a positive = no big problem over all:)

(1) Told him I was considering getting a perm.

“Well, I’m not!”

He loves his own humor and I do, too.

(2) Suggested he gargle with salt water – kills bacteria, you know.

“And me, too.”