Archive for August 10th, 2008

I’ve been wandering in no man’s land for a bit now. Today, I decided to search for online Alzheimer’s groups – there are thousands. Many notes made about being “married widows”. Ah, so that’s what is happening – that explains my hurting, empty heart – feeling at times as if it were turning to dust.

You might say that I finally realized that I am a “married widow”. My man is gone, the man I married. It’s definitely a comfort to have him here in body but I’m widowed in spirit.

(Condolences to those who have lost their spouse – that is much worse for them.)

An interesting comment recently from a friend: “Our grief will ease over time, yours continues. Life just isn’t fair sometimes.”

We delivered the pasta salad yesterday – our friend passed away Tuesday and it’s our custom to take food to the family. He was sleeping, I woke him as knew he would want to be there. How can you present so normally? It must be a mighty effort as you sweat and strain to say the right things, give the warm hugs and offer your love. They loved you for it.

The daughter called later, thanking us for the salad. She wanted to say hi to Wayne. I sat listening, happy he remembered her and glad she loved him so.

He handed me the phone and looked very perplexed. “Why are we taking food to ***?”