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Married Widow

10th August
2008
written by JeanMac

I’ve been wandering in no man’s land for a bit now. Today, I decided to search for online Alzheimer’s groups – there are thousands. Many notes made about being “married widows”. Ah, so that’s what is happening – that explains my hurting, empty heart – feeling at times as if it were turning to dust.

You might say that I finally realized that I am a “married widow”. My man is gone, the man I married. It’s definitely a comfort to have him here in body but I’m widowed in spirit.

(Condolences to those who have lost their spouse – that is much worse for them.)

An interesting comment recently from a friend: “Our grief will ease over time, yours continues. Life just isn’t fair sometimes.”

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12 Comments

  1. kenju
    10/08/2008

    My heart aches for you, Jean.

  2. Wanderin' Weeta
    11/08/2008

    {{{{Hugs}}}}

    It’s the long-drawn-out quality of this pain that makes it so terrible.

    I see signs that my dear man is starting down that road. Example: today, shopping in a store we visit regularly, he said to me, “Are you sure there’s a door there? We’ve never been here before.”

    I hope I have your courage.

  3. Wanderin' Weeta
    11/08/2008

    (PS: I’m a bit older than you, and he’s 15 years older than I, so something like this is to be expected. But still…)

  4. Changes in the wind
    11/08/2008

    This is a insight that only someone who has experienced it can convey. How very difficult it must be……….thinking of you both.

  5. Laura in L.A.
    11/08/2008

    I know my Mother feels this way, too. Even though my father is not as far along in the disease yet, some days Mom is just so unbearably sad. They have been married for 49 years and dating for 54.

    But we do have a lot of moments where Dad seems fine. Like W, he still maintains his sly sense of humor. Those “flashes” of how he used to be are little gifts.

    I’m praying for you, Jean.

    Love, Laura

  6. Mary Lou
    11/08/2008

    Praying for you. My heart aches for you. You are showing the rest of us how to have courage and take one day and one thing at a time.

  7. JeanMac
    11/08/2008

    Oh, S, I’m so sorry. It’s a journey ahead but I know you’re strong.Will have you in my mind and heart as you travel it.
    Thanks Judy,Changes,Laura and Mary Lou – faithful commenters. You are much appreciated.

  8. Wanderin' Weeta
    11/08/2008

    Thanks, Jean.

    I have your example of courage and good cheer to follow. Thank you so much!

  9. Beverly
    11/08/2008

    Dear Jean,
    I’m not sure that it is worse for those of us who have lost our spouses. A void is certainly present, especially when you marry and think you’ll grow old together. That didn’t happen to be the way it all turned out.

    The loss always hurts; it never goes away, but I have always epxerienced a peace in my heart, knowing that my husband had a very strong faith in His Savior.

    I pray for you all. You are such a wonderful example to the world of caregivers. Thank you for sharing your life with us, even though you have much pain.

  10. Wendy
    11/08/2008

    I am glad you are looking for an online support group. I cannot say enough about the support I feel from my copd caregivers group. They understand! And we all grieve together. And laugh too.
    God Bless Jeanmac; it’s not an easy path.

  11. annie's eyes
    11/08/2008

    So, so much and yet your strength is apparent through it all. I am sure the loss of your friend magnified your own loss during a difficult time. It just plain hurts. Love you, Annette

  12. Beverly
    12/08/2008

    I feel for you with all you have been through and for what is ahead. It is so sad, and I pray for you both. I wish I had comforting words…