Decided I should wake him around 3pm – he can easily sleep much longer. There’s the worry of bed sores, not enough nutrition in a 24 hours period and it’s lonely.
A vicious thunderstorm was passing over so thought he may have heard it. No, so I woke him and said I’d bring coffee to bed while we watched a downpour of rain. He wasn’t enthusiastic but agreed. Returning from the kitchen, I find him rolled on his side, covers pulled high.
“Don’t you want to get up, Hon?”
“No, there’s nothing to do for me. Why would I get up?”
I offered to take him for supper or go for a walk (forgot the storm and he laughed about a walk), we could go downstairs and exercise on the machines or do weights. Don’t you want to do anything?
He didn’t. I think he is just between stages and knows there’s not much to get up for – he reads 2 or 3 pages and goes to another book, then 2 or 3 and back to the first. It must be so sad if he does realize – I actually thought we had passed that stage.
It is now 6:55pm – we went to bed at 11pm last night.
Any suggestions?
Update: I just got him up now. 7:54pm
Might it help if you had something even more specific in mind, or perhaps already set out to do? For example, “Could you stack/sort/put away these socks/books/cans of soup for me?” When you are already using the touch cue for direction, then an abstract question “Don’t you want to do anything?” probably isn’t nearly enough. You wouldn’t tell a bored child to “find something to do”–you’d hand her crayons or playdough or stickers, or enlist her aid in frosting the graham crackers.
In short–visual cues; and oral may not be visual enough. “Let’s go look at the roses” might work better than “Let’s go for a walk,” because it’s more visual.
And putting spoons away, or helping you fold towels, or taking the lid off something for you–might that be still doable?
My dad’s caregiver would give him his (already opened) mail in the morning, on a TV tray after breakfast, and he would go through the dozen or so cards again, read them, and carefully put them back in their envelopes.
Would he enjoy/be able to do really simple crafts? Like the colorbooks that you paint with water and the pictures come out in color? Could he polish shoes?
All best wishes. My guess is that at least on some level, he does know. And that is so sad. But he also knows–at least for now–that you are there. And that must be hugely comforting to him.
Pat
Welcome, Pat, and thank you for very sage advice.
Have you considered getting a pet? If you had a dog, he could brush it…throw the ball for it….walk it…have to go to get its shots and etc. He has such a warm heart that I am sure he would love it….just a thought but maybe more work for you.
Yikes! Things are getting really difficult. My heart goes out to you!
I am praying for you at this moment. As I lie here feeling rather useless in my own bed due to side effects from meds, I cannot imagine how he must feel, nor how you feel and cope.
But I know that in this trial, your strength is a beautiful witness to others.
You have been given the grace and power to endure and HE will sustain you.
Americans,it seems have become so fragile that we consider suffering for Christ through trials a thing of the past.
We call a bad day one where we break a fingernail. Father, help us.
God bless you and take care of you as you do the hard things and share with us how to do them with grace.
Teri
I see the opposite problem so often at the hospital where people with dementia do not sleep at all, even with medication. It is often the reason they get admitted as it is so hard on their caregivers. The disease can be so different in people.