Archive for October 23rd, 2008

It’s been difficult lately. Everything is “opposite”.
Helping him with his sweater, “Lean forward, Hon.” He presses his body back. Can’t hang his jacket any longer – puts hanger in the hood and somewhere in the front of it – then proclaims it’s not right but maybe it will stay there.

Shoes and slippers are a nightmare unless I catch him to help before he tries.

Right vs. left, up vs. down, forward vs. back – it goes on and on. Picks up his beloved Buddy to go to bed – “where would that be?”

Yesterday he put his watch on his right arm and I kind of waited a moment- you know how weird that feels. He doesn’t feel much any more and before I got to him, was struggling to latch it. I moved it to his left arm and he still couldn’t do it. Another first.

Tonight we had dinner with S&R (thanks again) and he has forgotten stuff from past memory which he used to remember. He’s a gifted, fine wood worker and made a crib for our babies, mahogany with exact same design as our beloved bedroom suite. All hand beveled, attached 2 drawers under the crib and 4 down the side. A thing of beauty. Doesn’t remember it or making it.

Conversation came around to it and that period no longer exists in his mind. He doesn’t remember flying anymore, although he told one aide that he flew 6 and 8 seaters but not jets – which is true.

To be honest, I think my physical ailments are due to the stress of losing him slowly, bit by bit.
I have blood work to be done tomorrow, EKG and stress test was great on Wednesday. I could really travel on that treadmill! Didn’t go anywhere but they were impressed – - – and no physical heart disease.

The locum doc suggested he go in for a week of respite but I want to hold off til Christmas is over. Can’t ruin what may be his last Christmas at home and our last family Christmas.

If God would grant me one prayer, it would for him to get better or slide faster. This is absolute agony.