I have to apologize to my blogger friends. Most days, I read all blogs and comment – unless I’m speechless – that’s rare:)
Anyway, as Life becomes a bit more intense for us (me), I don’t always have time to listen to the great music posted – which I love. Please know it’s not because I don’t want to spend the time to listen.
Haven’t recovered from the shock of his forgetting my name – even tho I did suspect it for several months. It would make sense to “just give it up” and not dwell on it but I do. The worst part, this makes it impossible to speak with our sons without crying. I could barely babble my tale of woe to them. Now, that helps no one, especially them. I manage better with my sister and brother, a bit better but it’s always there.
So maybe Doc will bring out his magic pen when I see him – or maybe I will be over it. All I know is that I hate to worry that I’ll burst into tears. My dear man gets thru his days, oblivious to all the commotion in my heart and our lives. As Marth* would say, “That’s a good thing.”
PS If anyone has a suggestion, I’m open to hear it.
It’s not you he’s forgotten, just the way the sounds go together to make your name. And it’s not him; it’s just the equipment he is using.
Wires crossed, break in the circuit, static; the brain is malfunctioning, but the file is probably still there. And it may come back to him sometimes, even.
I think I told you this before, but a couple of weeks before she died, Mom turned to me, and said, “Goodnight, Sue!” It was the first time she had used my name in many months.
Maybe, if you can do it with a bit of a laugh (difficult, I know), you can jiggle his memory a bit; joke about it: “My name’s Jean, remember?” “Me Jean, you Tarzan, eh?”
Who knows? It might work!
Hi, Jean.
I wish I had something to share that would be like the magic pen. All I have to give to you is prayer. I can pray for renewed strength for you and peace that he will never forget you in his heart. He may not be able to verbalize it, but he knows. I’m sure it’s a lot more difficult for you than it is for him. I’ll pray for peace. Real peace in your heart. I wish I could come over right this minute and give you the biggest hug and cry right along with you. Tears are so healing and holding it in must be too hard for you and your sons.
I love you,
Angie xoxo
My heart hurts with yours. I agree with the others, I don’t think it’s you he’s forgotten at all, it’s just the broken circuit in his head, not his heart. I am so sorry that you have not been spared this part of this ugly disease. I keep praying that my mother in law will go before she doesn’t know David’s name anymore. He is having such a hard time accepting her state and this has been coming on for many years. He’s still not really dealing with it. Which breaks my heart for him. You have so much to deal with on a daily basis, so if you cry when you talk to your sons, so be it, they will just have to deal with that and go on. Tears do help and so does laughter,may you find something to laugh about today. May He be the lifter of your head today is my prayer for you. Blessings, Mary Lou
Jean, I can’t say anything any better than the other three did. I might resort to wearing a name tag, were it me.
The forgetfulness, the inability to dress, always living the unexpected, the center of care and attention reminds me of my ex-husband. His sickness was alcoholism and thankfully he left me or I’m afraid I might have stayed with my children’s father through sickness and health. I know you love your dear spouse but sometimes I want to scream for you to be able to put him in care and have a productive life of you own. Forgive me.
May your writing about your true feelings here on your blog bring you some peace and tranquility.
I am here to *listen* any time.
(((Jean)))
Bear((( )))
I agree 100% with Wanderin’ weeta–he has not forgotten you, only your name.
AD punches holes in the brain, and the way our brains work, names are stored where verbal skills come from. Language is one of those things that goes in AD.
Of course it is heart rending, no way around that.
I grieve for you, because who we are called helps define us.
One thing AD seems not to touch for a long time is MUSIC. Can you come up with a song that uses your name? Or make up words to a well known tune, and sing it over with him? It might work for a while.
When my MIL was in her last stages of AD, she couldn’t talk at all–but she could sing! Amazing, isn’t it.
We are fearfully and wonderfully made–and we are also clay vessels.
All of these comments are wonderful, Jean. I wish there was something I could say…
Jean, maybe a 8X10 picture of the two of you, with your names in big letters underneath? I don’t know how much he responds to things written out. My Mom writes out the schedule for the day, every day, and posts it on the kitchen cupboard. Even though it’s usually simple things, like “Go pick up the kids at pre-school. Have lunch. Go to the market.” My Dad refers back to it many times during the day. He’s calmer when he has an idea of what’s coming up.
I quiz my Dad all the time–asking him who people are in the photos in the house. If he can’t remember, I tell him who they all are, with little details that sometimes jog his memory. All very light-hearted and jokey, so he doesn’t get frustrated or agitated. I’m just looking for ways to help his brain find different pathways.
Praying for you and W, Jean.
Love, Laura
Jean, another thing. Don’t be ashamed of getting emotional when you speak to your sons. I know they want you to be honest with them about what is going on. They want to help you. If speaking about it is too difficult, email them. My Mom emails me about difficult things, and we live in the same house! Whatever works for you to communicate with them.
Love, Laura
Jean, I don’t have much to add to what everyone else has said. I don’t blame you for having a hard time getting over the name thing. A name is just a word, just a label, but it still has to be quite a shock to you. Take care of yourself, and don’t worry about the blogosphere – it will be here whenever you feel like going for a spin.
We blog when we can, write and listen to the music when we can. That’s the beauty of blogging. No one telling us we “have to”.
God bless you both. It’s a hard road. Everyone else summed things up pretty nicely. Hubby loves you Jean – it’s his brain that’s broken, not his heart.
If your md prescribes drugs – take them. That’s what they’re there for. I’m taking anti-anxiety meds to help with the stress of hubby’s illness. Otherwise, I’d never sleep.
I find just the tiniest dose of anti-depressants helps to contain the tears. Not that tears are bad, but it’s frustrating to want to say or do something and have tears get in the way. Especially trying to communicate with someone but can’t due to crying. Of course, crying is communication too. My thoughts and prayers are with you!