Archive for January 13th, 2009

Couldn’t take it anymore so off to the tub to cry my eyes out – it’s tough to cry silently. I thought of little children in stores who scream and wail, huge tears flooding down their cheeks. Envied them tonight – I had the wails and tears but had to wail silently.

Told him that if he needed me, just come to the bathroom – I’ll be in the tub having a soak, well, a wail. I heard his chair as he got up – instantly the wailing ceased as did the tears – just like a kid who finally gets his way and the tears stop – couldn’t let him see me wail. Slathered my face with soap should he walk in – he continued on down the hall – I resumed my silent wailing.

I’m sure this sounds totally absurd but usually I hold it all in til finally the dam gives way.

Tonight I cannot deal with what I have to deal with – simple as that.

But tomorrow will bring new strength and the wailing will have ceased and decisions will be made and life will go on.

To our MD today in regard to future admittance for respite. Tough decisions have to be made in consultation with our sons.

Wish I could present the info in person to our sons but it needs to be completed and signed ASAP.

On a happier note, I had my facial again today. Such luxury. I found a previous patient who is just a perfect esthetician for me – meaning knowledgeable and clean! Her husband is the stylist. Due to conflicting schedules, I took my Man with me, ever concerned how that would work.

The two are angels in disguise! Someone canceled their hair appt. while I was there and she asked if I’d like Wayne to have his hair done.

I tell you, Someone is definitely looking out for us. His “do” was done just as I was. Plus, he was treated to a deluxe hot chocolate. She asked if he wanted one. Declined. So, being aware, she made it anyway and he loved it.

Plus, I got to see a favorite patient who came in for an appt. as we were leaving. Happy, happy.