For some reason, I feel he regarded respite as almost a punishm*nt. We were home only a few hours when he announced that from now on he would do anything I asked.
When pushed for an explanation, he said, “You know, going to the doctor or dentist.” As fate would have it, he had a hygiene appointment – I was going to cancel under our circumstances but it was fine, easier than ever before.
Also, he sits down beside me and asks if he can do anything or help me, etc. This is not new for the “former Wayne” but new in our journey.
I feel badly for him and keep reassuring that we are home together, it may be necessary again but he will understand next time and that I will be back to take him home – “If it’s ever necessary again”. If anyone has suggestions, I’d appreciate it. Thanks for all your support – it’s been a really trying week, I guess for both of us.
9 Comments
It’s hard to know what to say honestly. Other then I care and so do your readers. Hopefully Jean, time will go by and the respite fears will subside. Ironic – you take a respite to have relief and you get relief from one kind of stress and then come home with another. I’d said – seriously, and it sounds funny – I ‘d try to take a lot of deep breaths – that’s a great stress reliever for me.
Isn’t that something, that he views the respite as a form of punishment…so sad too.
Glad the dental appt. went so easily for you both.
Your love is incredible.
Your heart is too.
It is too bad (for you) that he viewed it as such, since you will obviously need it again. I’m sure that he will eventually forget this experience – or at least it will dim for him.
Poor Wayne. He’s almost like a little boy with that reaction. So sad. Yes, as somebody already said, hopefully with the passage of time, he won’t think of respite as punish*ment.
Hugs, Jean
Hi Chatty, I hadn’t thought of the irony. Deep breaths good idea.
Corgidogmama, thanks!
Judy, I could be off base but it is like a child trying overly hard to please a parent.
Wendy, you’re right on.
What to say?
It is interesting that it seems W demonstrates both an understanding (of a sort) and a lack of understanding.
I am sure that he is as frustrated at the way in which his mind betrays him as you are.
I remember so clearly my MIL suddenly cring. We would ask what was wrong–she would say “Nothing.” But we knew she was crying for sheer frustration.
It is difficult when they are sad with the situation, either respite care or whatever. He has the dreaded disease and cannot fully understand the whole scope of the reasons we do things. That to me is the really mean thing…they can have some understanding some times, like early in the day, but then in the evening they cannot remember the morning conversations.
Just remember we do what we have to do…for him and for yourself. We have one face on the outside, but, inside our hearts feel as they do.
Maybe along these lines? Because he knows on some level how dependent he is, and yet you can reassure him that there is still an essential equality in your relationship.
Thank you so much, you have always been so willing and helpful. That is one of the things that I have always appreciated and loved you for. Your help is something that I treasure.
And you know, I will always try to do what you want, as often as I can.
Sometimes we can’t do as much as we’d like to for each other, but both of us know that we always want to. And sometimes a person can’t always do what the other one wants, but both of us will always do the best we can.
I’m not sure what answers there are to such tough questions. I really don’t want you to regret taking a little time, but it might help both of you to know that when the time comes for longer stays that you can do it. Right now is sure tough though. You remain in my prayers. Love, Annette