Archive for March 18th, 2009

In scary movies, the music builds, making all the difference – sometimes the music makes me jump before the bad guy does his thing.

Feeling like that right now in relation to AD. We’re on the edge, I hear it and see it and my heart and soul feels it – it’s almost as if I’m waiting for the climax, holding my breath.

Today was lovely, he was very humorous with the care aide. Told her just used to snap his fingers and I’d come running with whiskey(!!!) of all things. She laughed him off and he really loved his joke. Then at his favorite book shop (used), he embarrassed me to death. Told the volunteer, “Since she learned to read it’s just books, books, books.” He was laughing and I was dying and the volunteer was wondering what the heck is going on!

We came home, walked and I offered him water or tea. He chose water, wanting to get it himself. No longer can find the glasses or the water – was very exasperated twice this afternoon. It is no longer helpful to direct him as he can’t find anything although it’s right in front of him.

Like the old timers would say, “I feel a change coming.” I do, too, and it’s got me worried.

Years ago we agreed on a physical “code” which would identify each other in case of emergency.

When he didn’t know me at discharge, I used it and he broke down in tears and said, “It’s you, it’s really you.” So, sad as it is, the code worked.

The last three nights, he carries on all night, using the code. He is sound asleep. I am not.

“Be careful what you wish for” – - – or something like that.