24th July
2009
So, this evening was spent discussing how awful day care was. He referred to the specialist (who insists he goes) as H*****. I was truly shocked.
He said he thought this was Canada and people had freedom but “there they make you do what they want.”
So, we have an appt. coming up and I’m leaving it to Dr. H. to convince him of its merits. I’m tired and can barely carry on with the day to day, let alone fighting every step to do what “the Powers that be” want.
I pass the AD torch to you, Dr. C. I’m exhausted, you deal with it all. Thank you.
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It’s been one of those weeks Jean.
Tough days make the week wear you down
but know everyone wills our strength and support to you.
Hang in there and hopefully things will return to an easier time soon.
Ice
Sometimes we want one thing in life and another is given to us and you are right – we have to let go and see what God and the doctor and life has in store for us.
Hmm…he’s in a negative cycle right now it seems. Is this a natural stage to get testy and dark? Does it signify a big change coming, or is it more like the moodswings that strike us? I know nothing of this horrid disease that you deal with every minute of your day. Hang in there, and good luck when he goes back to daycare. Hopefully the doc can help.
Wishing you all the best.
Do you ever wish W’s day care offered closed-circuit(?) video (akin to some nurseries) that you could log-into and observe his interactions?
I don’t mean to suggest that there’s anything wrong; rather, would it help your heart, seeing him smiling?
Sorry, I’m just grasping at straws over here; it hurts “witnessing” your frustration.
Sending positive thoughts ‘cross the border!
Wow, how amazing though that he was able to dredge up all those details. He must have some strong emotions hooked up with those day care memories. You must be at wit’s end–this irritability sounds so unlike the pre-AD Wayne.
Jean, stick to your guns. Having W participate in day-care is VITAL to your being able to keep him at home; it is just that blunt. You CANNOT exhaust yourself to the point of illness, not even for W. I’d email or fax the doc beforehand about how important it is that he be adamant with W about how important and therapeutic day-care is. No arguments. He’s going.
I’m so sorry that you are having this stress, and I am praying for you and W.
Love, Laura
You must be feeling so torn and tired Jean.
Such painful losses….for you and W both.So sorry.Sure you are right to hand over here, and so be able to receive, acknowledge W’s(very valid from his viewpoint)confided feelings without judgement (difficult I know, but given where he is and may be journeying, that may release tension for you both and keep you close later.It can still be absolutely honest as you are receiving his feelings and reflecting back.Let others do the persuading. Not for you to ‘argue this case’. You both have truths…W rightly feels his freedom/choice restricted ‘correct’;(You know this awful AD has made this necessary)
Equally importantly you need to regain/keep your health and strength,so others must be involved ‘correct’ also .Please do not feel guilty about and keep yourself nurtured.
Sorry so long ,
Chris , UK, retired doc in the foothills UK
Jean–right now, there are people to take care of W.
Who is taking care of Jean.
You know this is critical-caring for the caretaker.
You are burning out–understandably. Who wouldn’t.
Please make sure you can get time for you–even if it’s just bits and pieces here.
I’ve missed you, my sweet friend. You have had some really hard days. I’m thankful you have an appointment soon I hope to let the doctor help you sort it all out and convince Wayne it will be okay. You must be very weary. You have fought such a valiant loving fight for him. Even when the day to day gets hard, the deep places in Wayne know how much you have given, how much you love and continue to love!
Praying for you and Wayne this Sunday morning.
love, Annette
Jean, I have no words or wisdom to add to what has been said, I echo it all. Prayers and hugs to you both.
I’ve had to catch up on all the happenings around your place and only can say……hang in there, but also take special care of yourself. Wayne is a lucky man (in most respects) that he’s not in a facility full time, which is what it would be if you don’t take care of yourself first. HUGS and prayers.
I DO understand, having lived it, as you know.
There’s no way to comprehend what goes on in the shrinking brain of someone with AD. There’s no logic there anymore, just reactions that may to a degree, or may not at all, accurately relate to any given situation. It’s like he lives inside a dream or nightmare all of the time, and nothing makes any real sense to him anymore.
For you, trying to handle it, it’s like flying by the seat of your pants. You can’t turn this thing around, you can’t make things make sense to him. It takes everything you’ve got just to get through each day, and it feels like it’ll go on forever. But it won’t.
TAKE CARE OF YOU. Put your needs ahead of his as much as you possibly can, and ignore the guilt you might feel because of doing so. You can’t save him, but you can save yourself.
You are in my thoughts and prayers, with lots of love.
Maybe due to Sundowners Syndrome (is that the name?) You should not ask him leading questions late in the day??? I know you must be exhausted, he may not want daycare but you need it…