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19th November
2009
written by JeanMac

We sat on the bed, side by side. He looked over at me and asked, “Will I ever be normal again?”

I couldn’t talk for a bit and just held him.

“Do you mean your memory?”

“No, my memory is fine. Me, will I ever be normal?”

(I tell you, it rips me apart. Wonder what he perceives and understands. Also, maybe he is receiving messages from brain to body parts(?) which are confusing him.
Tomorrow I’ll call the specialist, maybe he can set my mind at ease.)

16 Comments

  1. 19/11/2009

    Hi Jean – I’m so sorry that all of this is so hard. You and Wayne have been in my thoughts.

  2. 19/11/2009

    Duality. It’s so good to “see” you back on-line, Jean …yet heartbreaking to realize you’ve been thrown for a loop once more.
    There are no words … just hugs,

    Myra

  3. 19/11/2009

    I have wondered about you both. My heart breaks for you both. I believe that in certain moments they know something is wrong, but, if there is a good side I think it might be that at other times they do not know anything is wrong. Hugs to you too.

  4. 19/11/2009

    Sarah asked me if I had heard from you. It is good to see you back posting, but hard to read. Bless your heart, Jean. You are always in our thoughts and prayers.

  5. 19/11/2009

    I can see how you’d just want to hold him and not say too much…and I can feel how difficult this is for you. Let’s hope you get some answers.

  6. 19/11/2009

    I was just wondering how you were!

    Both of you are so courageous, you’re an inspiration to me.

    Hugs.

  7. 19/11/2009

    Oh, Jean–I can imagine that such a question rips you apart.
    I do remember this–the awareness but an incomplete comprehension. So so sad–AD, you are a bad bad disease. Begone.

  8. 20/11/2009

    Love you
    Have you read the book
    Still Alice?

    Love you
    Have missed your visits
    Love Jeanne

  9. 20/11/2009

    I just don’t understand that disease. I thought it would be kinder on the person who had the disease because they wouldn’t realize (after a while) they had it but it’s not kind in any way shape or form. grrrr…….

    HUGS to you and Wayne….and always lots of prayers.

  10. 20/11/2009

    I have been so worried about you and have missed your posts.

  11. Mary Lou
    20/11/2009

    There are no words…just hugs and prayers and thoughts coming your way.

  12. 20/11/2009

    Wayne’s question to you reminds me of when my Bob said to me, “Make me alive again.” Then we both started crying. Bob’s neurologist told me that some people with Alzheimer’s DO know something is wrong; others don’t know, and perhaps it’s easier on them. Bob has now been gone for 1 year and 1 week. I’m glad he’s no longer in that awful misery, but I still miss him SO much. Take care of yourself, Jean. Love, Suzy

  13. 20/11/2009

    This breaks my heart for you and Wayne; it would almost be easier if he didn’t realize that something was wrong. This awful disease is so heartbreaking and maddening.
    You and Wayne are in my thoughts and prayers!
    Love,
    Dolores

  14. Clara Melvin
    20/11/2009

    Thinking of you and Wayne otten!

  15. 20/11/2009

    Awww – no words. Just tears.
    My mother used to get frustrated at the beginning. She didn’t have AZ, but had suffered a stroke. She’d know something was wrong (couldn’t tell time, or count money, or remember basic cooking or cleaning), but did not know what to do.
    Sending you healing thoughts.

  16. 23/11/2009

    This is so hard. Hate it.
    Hugs,
    SMB