About four days after Wayne was admitted, his RN called me. “Don’t be alarmed but I have to discuss something with you.”
My mind flew thru various scenarios, none of them good. I thought maybe Wayne had been in a tussle with someone or had fallen.
“There is a client who looks much like you, blond wavy hair and is your size.” My knees got wobbly and I sat down in his chair at the kitchen table. “Wayne thinks she is you.” My heart fluttered overtime for a moment and I tried to speak. Words didn’t come out. The nurse continued, “You could walk in when she and Wayne may be walking hand in hand, hugging and even sharing a kiss.”
(“Code blue, code blue!!!”) I couldn’t speak for a moment but finally said it was Ok. Trying to be calm, I jabbered away that I had read about this happening but didn’t expect it to be this soon. I babbled on in shock and we chatted away. She let me “talk” and finally reiterated that it was not uncommon, etc.
My mind agreed but my heart did not. “Oh, that’s Ok, if it comforts him, it’s Ok.”
As days passed and I visited the care home, I realized who “I” was – we danced together the other night. I wanted to whisper in her ear to take good care of him in my absence.
14 Comments
Hi, Jean. I’m catching up on the last 8 posts. You touched my heart with the post about the dance with the woman. What a woman you ARE! And here I read that she is the “other you”. I can’t imagine how your heart is feeling. When my mother was ill, I often “sat in” as other loved ones who couldn’t be there. It was a comfort to her to have them with her.
Hugs,
SMB
I’m so happy that Wayne is happy, and I know you’re happy that he’s contented, but………goodness….. this awful disease does such a number on the care takers.
The honesty in your post touches my heart……
Much love to you!
Dolores
Be still, my heart. I was so moved by your post of dancing and now this one. Oh my.
Jean,
I know it hurts but think of it as good therapy for Wayne and that having “you” there keeps him from being afraid and depressed. Dad picked a women who resembled my mom; Virginia kept dad busy during the day, fussed over him and she gave dad someone to take care of too. He made sure she had her meals and sat together watching tv or walking outside. It was quite a jolt the first time we saw them holding hands and sneaking a smootch, but we also saw what comfort and peace it gave them both.
praying for all 3 of you
OMG – I don’t know what I’d do?? Probably be in a state of shock, for eons! It must be excruciating to think of this happening, (I did not know this about ALZ), but you are handling it in a positive and loving way. I take my hat off to you.
Peace to you and Wayne in the New Year.
Oh, Jean, I have to hand it to you. I don’t know if I could be so “giving” as that. I do remember seeing about that on the TV special about Alzheimer’s. His contentment is all that matters, though. Take care.
Jean–the thing that strikes me is how thoughtful of the nurse to give you a “heads up”. She told you before you saw anything–I can imagine how hard this news was for you, but were you to have seen Wayne hugging “you” it would have hurt.
Gosh I have never heard about this happening, but I am not totally surprised. I am so sorry – that must hurt, but you have to know how innocent it is at the same time. Life is not easy. Prayers being sent your way. Sandie
I do understand how this happens. My mother’s first room mate favored my grandmother. My mother would talk about Mama, it was after a while that I realized who “mama” was.
It is hard for you in one respect, but, comforting in another. Your love for him is continuing to shine through all stages of this awful disease….
If Wayne didn’t have AD, this wouldn’t be happening, but I know that doesn’t take away the heartbreak for you, thinking of seeing him with “another woman.” He’s seeing through the totally distorted lens of Alzheimer’s, not through his own eyes. He is seeing YOU, not the other woman who resembles you. This happened with retired Supreme Court Justice Sandra Day O’Connor’s husband, too. Here’s a link about it if you feel like reading it:
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,311556,00.html
This post brought tears to my eyes and a lump in my throat. So sad that this has happened but so greatful that she is a striking resemblance to you which means that you are still where his heart lives and loves.
This post gave me chills.
“My mind agreed but my heart did not.” paints the perfect picture. Your heart is huge and so loving and caring. What a blessing you are to Wayne and so many others…..including me.
HUGS
…oh my goodness! This was your waltz partner in the blue silk jammies???? Oh my, you have much to deal with! Your emotions must go up and down like the stock market!
I can’t even imagine. I guess you’re thankful for the nurse’s heads up and know where his heart is believing it’s you, but a dagger must go through your heart to think. A thousand confusing emotions must be coming together for you. My heart hurts for you. Sending hugs and love, Annette