Thought I should update you on the situation while you have been in (excellent) care.
The house is still ours, not sure if I should sell or rent it – miss you when it comes time to making such decisions. Brian and Mark will help me decide what to do.
Buddy has settled and is still the good, lovable boy he was for you. I guess your telling him every bed time what a good boy he was, sunk in:) BTW, he still does not beg at the table with me- I guess he knew you were so soft hearted and a treat was always tossed to him:)
The quail still visit seeking you, looking for seed and admiration. They still come right up to the front door where you used to sit. The ducks “vacuum” around your bird feeder, seeking that which is not there.
All your many books, CD’s and DVD’s stand guard on their shelves wondering when Someone will return to finger them, be the lucky one chosen for that day.
Your turkey still stands guard on your desk – I can hear you laugh even now when you came home and told me that a co-worker called your beloved brass eagle a turkey. So, turkey it is, yet. He, too, waits to soar someday.
Your workshop awaits, I haven’t touched anything. The saws stand silent, no longer spewing sawdust into the air. Yes, your sawdust box awaits you. I couldn’t throw it out even tho it is a tad worn from all its work.
I did bring your leather tool belt and a carpenter pencil into the house, worried they may get ruined in the shop.
The wood pile, all 3 cords, has not been touched, no fun building a fire to tend by myself. I think you’d want
R&B to have the wood so I offered it to them. They said wait til the next winter – they, too, feel it’s wrong to disturb your shop this first few months you are away.
I clean and polish your big red tool chest, it still stands guard in the garage. Every time I get in the car, I think of you and give it a pat from you, as you used to do. BTW, if “we” decide to sell the house, I will take the chest with me so do not worry.
I left your car service sheet and pencil tacked to the garage wall, couldn’t bear to take it down. You were so meticulous about recording servicing which you did yourself.
Speaking of recording, I found many sheets of paper where you recorded your chess games – I knew you were a serious player but didn’t realize how serious til I found these papers.They will be safely kept as will Henry, your electronic chess computer. Wondering about your many marble and glass chess sets, even regular wooden ones. Brian and Mark may want a set each – I know you’d be happy with that. Your little chess table still rests in your den wondering when it will be required again.
Your words, “You can never have too many books.” echo thru my head as I walk around your office and the halls. The custom built shelves you made for my Dad still do their duty but are lonely for your touch. I find comfort in the large black bookcases you built, guardians of a sort.
You’d laugh at this one, the bookcase in our bedroom still stands, filled to the brim with your treasures. There are decisions to be made as to who gets what. I know you trust me with that.
Emptied the pantry the other day and scrubbed it out. Had debated painting the laundry room but put everything back – you did such a good job with the pantry and the doors are still perfect and straight. Just to let you know, I did get R to move the recipe book case you built me, into the laundry room. Looks great.
Well, my Dear, there is much more to tell you but will do that in another letter – this one has rambled on far too long. Remember our code and remember I love you. J xx oo
PS Brian turned 40 on January 28th – can you believe that! Then, on Feb. 4th, MiHwa and Mark celebrated their 3rd anniversary – can you believe that!!
Oh Jean…… I can’t see the computer screen for my tears…..this is the most poignant and sweet letter….It breaks my heart.
I know we were blessed with wonderful husbands and good marriages, but ..2#$s this disease has taken their minds away from us too soon…… but then, we’d never be ready to let that part of them go at any age.
My thoughts, prayers and love are with you….
Dolores
Such a love filled letter. Thank you for sharing it with us.
HUGS
What a poignant letter. It must feel daunting to be faced with so many decisions – I’m glad that you are remembering all the good times!
Tears…and hugs sent your way. What a beautiful tribute to all that Wayne stands for, all that he means to you. Thank you for sharing your tender heart today. Love, Annette
Writing letters is good. Very good.
Beautiful letter. Filled with so much love..could “see” it. Thank you for allowing the rest of us to see your beautiful love story. Blessings on your night and day tomorrow..
Full of joy and sorrow–joy that this letter came from the depths of your heart and from your life of experience with Wayne. So sweet to have such memories.
Sorrow–well, you know why that is–deep sadness at the mountain you both have had to climb.
And I am also glad you have the deep wisdom to keep these things, to cherish them, to continue the conversation of your marriage.
Hugs.
You touch my heart with writings like this. Sometimes I think I cannot come back again because the pain is great. Then I realize you cannot get away from the pain and so I will stay and try to share it with you.
I, too, am sitting here with tears in my eyes … touched by your love. I’m touched, too, by your including us in your life.
Oh my goodness, Jean. My heart just broke reading your letter. Even though I have parted with some of Elbert’s things I cling on to others. It’s such a hard decision to make, this deciding to do with a life that we no longer share. Thank you for sharing this letter with us all as we are all in this horrible mess together. God bless you.
I am so glad you are writting these letters and sharing them with us.
The love and respect you have for Wayne is touching beyond words. You honor his life with your devotion. I think you are the most remarkable person and I am proud to be your friend.
I think I’ll snatch Beverly’s comment. It just says it all.
Hugs,
P.S. it really sucks, doesn’t it?
Very special indeed… You capture the value and uniqueness of his life with lots of love.
You know I’m thinking it is good for you to write him like this – a way of saving what is going on with you right now.
love and hugs, sandie
Oh…what an incredible and touching letter of love!
Just beautiful.
xoxo
Hi Jean. I stopped blogging (Midlife misfit)but wanted to keep following you and Wayne my love to you both in your struggles. XX